A Holiday to Remember Read online

  “I can tell you’re staring at me.” His eyes remained closed, but Marcus’s lips curved in a smile. “C’mere and lie down next to me.”

  Never had Tyler appreciated their extra-wide sofa as much as when they made love on it. With a pang, he snuggled in close to Marcus, realizing they hadn’t been this free in months. Marcus not only ran Sparks, but also became involved in helping Julian with his clothing business, while he’d been running ragged with the dance studio and lessons. They made sure to be home for Lillie every night, which meant long nights of work, and not play. And Marcus, who became cranky if he missed one day of sex, often fell asleep waiting for him to come back from late-night rehearsals.

  With the holidays upon them now things slowed considerably; school was on break and he’d made the decision to close the studio until after New Year’s and even rehearsals were on a hiatus until after the holidays. Tyler made a promise to be available only to Marcus for these next two weeks and hoped Marcus wasn’t too busy with his own projects.

  From Marcus’s peaceful smile, he didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Tyler pressed his lips to Marcus’s naked chest, hearing the solid comforting thump of his heartbeat. He loved waking up to that sound; it played like music to his soul. And when Marcus took his still-erect cock in his hand and slowly began to stroke him off, Tyler moaned and pulled Marcus down for a kiss, greedy and anxious for his mouth, his tongue. And before he could hold off, his orgasm broke free, crashing down on him and he cried out against Marcus’s mouth.

  “Oh fuck, oh God.”

  Marcus hugged him close. “Don’t worry. Hold onto to me. I’m never letting you go.”

  “Don’t.” Tyler turned in Marcus’s arms to face him. “No matter how crazy busy I get, always know it’s you I’m thinking of. You and Lillie are my life.”

  Marcus tightened his arms around him and kissed his cheek. “I love you too. Let’s rest.”

  * * * *

  Nothing could be better than waking up in the early evening with a naked Tyler plastered to his chest. Marcus blinked awake and the tree they’d set up last night immediately caught his eye. He’d never celebrated any religious holidays growing up but Lillie had asked if they could do Chanukah as well as Christmas and so a large menorah shared the spotlight with all the stockings and tinsel around the apartment. Thinking back to all the barren, cold years he’d spent celebrating the holidays either drunk by himself or with some hookup he’d met and fucked that same night made him embarrassed and ashamed, two emotions he wasn’t familiar with. He couldn’t go back to that lost man he was before.

  Marcus recalled what Zach had said to him when he’d still refused to admit his feelings for Tyler:

  “When the thought of living without Tyler scares you more than being with him for the rest of your life, you’ll understand.”

  All that belonged in the past. Falling in love with Tyler changed him; Tyler had given him unconditional love and a family in Lillie. But what did Marcus give to Ty? He’d yet to figure that out.

  “Hey, wake up sleepyhead.” Burying his face in Tyler’s dark curls, he inhaled the man’s wonderful warm scent. “Let’s go take a shower and then get some food.”

  “Mmm.” Tyler stretched, his sleek body arching. “I could use a nice hot shower.”

  It bothered Marcus that Tyler worked as hard as he did but he still felt inordinately proud of all the man had accomplished on his own.

  “You must be sore. Let me take care of you.” He stood and pulled Tyler up to him. “Come.”

  Ignoring Tyler’s surprised expression, Marcus led him into their bathroom and turned on the taps to the large soaking tub, allowing the hot, steamy water to gush forth from the tap. While Tyler stood watching him with a puzzled expression, Marcus poured some oil into the water and immediately the smell of peppermint and eucalyptus filled the room. Half a capful of bubbles next set the water foaming.

  “Where did those come from?” Tyler gestured to the small flasks. “I’ve been meaning to order a supply but forgot.”

  Of course he had. Tyler never put himself first. Marcus had watched Tyler research the essential oils for joint pain and inflammation and then as was typical, forget about himself, to do something for Lillie or his students. Without saying anything, Marcus had checked out the browsing history and ordered everything he thought Ty planned to get and then some.

  “I know what you need.” Gesturing to the almost-filled tub, he said, “Get in.” The flex and play of Tyler’s muscles across the sleek expanse of his back never failed to arouse Marcus and he itched to hold Ty close. A sigh of gratitude emanated from Tyler and he leaned his head back on the edge of the tub, the tips of his hair floating on the surface of the water.

  “God, this feels amazing.”

  That sexy, contented murmur was exactly what Marcus wanted to hear.

  “Get in here with me.”

  Okay, that too. “I can’t help it if I like to admire the scenery.”

  Tyler opened his eyes. “Are you objectifying me? I’m more than a pretty face, you know.” His lips twitched in a failed attempt to contain his grin.

  That teasing tone was another thing he’d missed. “Oh, I’m aware. That’s awfully pretty too.” He pointed to Tyler’s dick, peeking out from the frothy bubbles.

  “Marcus. I fail to see the point of you standing out there naked while I’m in here naked. That’s two naked wrongs, which in my calculations won’t ever make a right.”

  “I want to make this good for you,” he said, slipping into the hot, oily water.

  Wriggling close with twists of his sinuous body, Tyler skimmed those long, sensitive fingers across his face. “You’re good for me.”

  They might have been living together for a year but the nervous anticipation running through his veins bloomed fresh and new, as if they’d met only yesterday. The softness of Tyler’s skin, the silk of his hair all lay spread out before him to touch, taste, and claim.

  “I don’t know about that,” he whispered. “I’m thinking I’m not good enough.”

  A funny look entered Tyler’s eyes. “I do know. Now shut up and kiss me.”

  That Marcus could get behind. He pinned Tyler’s back to the tub, intending to take his mouth in a hard kiss of possession. Instead he found himself pressing tender kisses to his face, running his nose down Tyler’s cheek and breathing deeply.

  “Please.”

  Finally he kissed Tyler, but those soft, wet lips touching his weren’t nearly enough. Marcus needed more. He straddled Tyler, heedless to the water slopping over the side of the tub and crushed their mouths together, his arms yanking Tyler roughly up against him, lips locked, tongues searching, sliding together in a dance of possession. He could hear Tyler’s heart thudding against his chest and knew Ty felt his own thundering beats.

  “Marcus...” Tyler’s breath sighed out against his mouth and Marcus picked Tyler up, his arms still clinging around his neck and carried him out of the tub and into the bedroom, wet and dripping, then placed him onto their bed. Once again he straddled Tyler, their full cocks brushing against each other, visible shivers rippling over his tight abdomen.

  “God, you’re perfect. Every fucking inch of you,” said Marcus, dipping his head down to kiss Tyler’s damp stomach, eliciting a sigh of pleasure. If he could keep Ty happy by making love to him, there’d be no problem, But Marcus’s gut tightened even as he licked the head of Tyler’s beautiful cock, the taste coating his tongue. Hearing Lillie recite her story of how Tyler wanted to get married caused anxiety to gnaw at his insides. What did he know about marriage? People hardly believed he could be faithful to Ty.

  “I don’t know what you’re thinking but I’m hoping it’s how fast you can get inside me,” said Tyler, his amused voice breaking into Marcus’s reflection. “What’s wrong?” Hazel eyes dark with passion met his.

  “Nothing.” Vowing to put aside the voices inside his head, Marcus kissed Tyler until he lay gasping for breath. He stroked his cock, stiff
and heavy with need, and reached over to the nightstand for the lube and slicked himself, up, never taking his eyes off Tyler’s face, flushed with desire. “You want me? Want my cock inside you?”

  “Yes.” Tyler moaned and spread his legs wide, opening himself up.

  “I want you too.” Without further words Marcus pushed the wide head of his cock into Tyler’s hole, loving the sight of a part of him sliding into Tyler’s body. Accepting him. Anchoring him. “Oh, God,” said Marcus, the words long and drawn out.

  “Harder,” Tyler cried out, lifting his hips higher. “There, fuck yeah.”

  Marcus increased his strokes, sliding deeper, the clutch of Tyler’s passage tight against his throbbing dick. He grasped Tyler’s hard cock in between them, the trail of pre-come slick against his flat abdomen. All his doubts and insecurities faded away in the heat of their mutual passion for each other. Electricity surged through him; a fluttering began in his belly and he passed that point of no return, letting go.

  Perhaps Tyler sensed his capitulation; he grabbed him tight around his shoulders and heaved up to meet his pounding thrusts. The intensity of his orgasm ripped through Marcus and he jerked and shuddered as he spilled himself inside Tyler. Lights flashed before his tightly shut eyes as his body emptied itself and satisfaction curled around the base of his spine. A moment later, he felt the wet spill of Tyler’s release against his chest and stomach.

  It took several seconds for his vision to return and his breathing to catch up to his brain. Careful to move slowly, he pulled out of Tyler’s body and flopped down next to him. The bed dipped and Tyler cuddled close, laying his head on Marcus’s shoulder. The simple gesture of Ty taking his hand sent warmth flooding through Marcus and he couldn’t stop a silly grin from tugging at his lips.

  “Happy?”

  “I am now.”

  Soft puffs of Tyler’s breath drifted over his chest and Marcus drew him closer, wanting to prolong the moment. Soon Tyler’s even breathing and heavy body indicated he’d fallen asleep and Marcus, careful not to disturb him, slid out of bed and left the room. He slipped his pants back on and sat down on the sofa to study the blank ceiling above him, wishing for answers, yet uncertain of the questions.

  Over this past year, he’d faced so much he’d done wrong in his life: ignoring his mother, sleeping with men who meant nothing to him and not seeing Zach’s terrible pain of the abuse he’d suffered from a college boyfriend. And as much as he complained about their meddling, he missed his friends and knew they’d be able to give him better insight into his troubled thoughts. Because he knew something was off if he had Tyler alone to himself for the night yet here he sat, alone and confused on his sofa.

  Without spending too much time analyzing why the hell he was doing it, he picked up the phone and dialed Zach. And like always, Zach was there for him.

  “Marcus? What’s wrong?”

  “Why does anything have to be wrong for me to call you?” He huffed out a pretend, slightly outraged breath.

  “Uh, because I know my mom is with Lillie and her friends at her party, which means you and Tyler are home by yourselves.” The laughter in his voice couldn’t have been clearer.

  Damn. Busted. “I, uh, um...”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know. I was hoping you could tell me.”

  “Wait a minute,” said Zach and before Marcus could answer, he put him on hold. Marcus presumed he went to a more secluded area to speak.

  “Marcus?”

  “Juli? Where are you? I thought you and Nick were loving it up in Italy.”

  “We are, but Zach called and said you sounded like you needed to talk so I’m here.”

  Funny how a kind Julian was almost too much to bear. The hot sting of tears rose behind his eyes.

  “Me too, Marcus. Where’s Ty?”

  “He’s asleep in the bedroom.” He took a deep breath then let it out before speaking. This soul-baring stuff sucked. “Do you think I’ve changed since last year? I mean, am I a better person than I used to be?”

  “Has something happened between you and Ty?” Julian spoke with some caution.

  “Fuck no, Juli.”

  “Then, what’s the matter?” said Zach. “Why the doubts all of a sudden?”

  “It’s not all of a sudden. I’ve always wondered if I’m the right man to be raising a child. And Ty is so good. He deserves a man who can make a lifetime commitment.” Swallowing hard he spread his fingers wide and stared at his ring finger. “Marriage. You know that’s not me. Am I right?” Knowing Tyler wanted the commitment from him made it almost seem possible.

  “I don’t know anything like that. Goddamn, Marc, you love Ty and he adores you. You didn’t need to change; it was always there inside you. Tyler gave you the strength to accept it. It’s been a year for Christ’s sake and you’re together.”

  “I hear you, Juli. You want to add that word. Still. We’re still together. Like you can’t believe it either. I think about my mother and how she gave up her whole life for a man who couldn’t care less about her and wonder if I can be the man Ty needs.”

  “But you love Tyler.”

  “Of course I love him. But we know that’s never enough. Lillie told me today she wanted us to get married. And for the first time, I didn’t get that sick feeling in my stomach. I imagined what it might be like, then dismissed it.”

  “Why, Marc? It’s the next step. We’ve fought so hard to have the right to do it.”

  “What if I’m a fraud? The fact that I’m not sure of anything means something, right?”

  “Yeah, it does.”

  Tyler stood at the entrance to the living room, his eyes wide with devastation.

  “I gotta call you back.” He switched off the phone on Julian’s squawk of protest and ignored the immediate callback. “Hi. I...I thought you were asleep.”

  Tyler’s brows knotted in confusion. “Who were you talking to?”

  “Zach and Julian. I needed advice.” Marcus patted the cushion next to him. “Can you come sit down?”

  “Do I want to?” Tyler approached him warily and Marcus’s heart sat in his throat. It felt like the past year hadn’t happened and they were at the beginning of their relationship, unsure and afraid. He held out his hand but Tyler ignored it and sat cross-legged on the sofa, facing him.

  So many emotions warred in his chest: pain, fear, but most of all love. That he loved Tyler more now than he did a year ago, Marcus had no doubt. Having Tyler with him, by his side, in his bed and across the table from him every morning made his life worth something. And Lillie? She owned him. He wanted to take her and run away with her to protect her from all the evilness out there. God help any person who hurt her. He’d die for her, and yet still, he held back.

  “Yeah. I think all this talking helped me figure out what I wanted.”

  “And what is that? Because I’ll give you the chance to speak, then it’ll be my turn.”

  That honest unflinching gaze of Tyler’s incinerated any lingering doubts Marcus might have had.

  “I need you, Ty. I love you. And I’ll do anything to keep you.”

  “Oh.” Startled, Tyler bit his lip, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “And here I thought we’d be having a fight and I was mentally preparing myself.”

  Relief poured through Marcus, lightening his soul. “We can still fight if you want. Make-up sex is awesome.” He ducked the pillow Tyler threw at him, his expression sobering.

  “Let me explain.” Marcus swallowed hard, trying to come up with the right words. Confessions stink. Everything in him sat poised to bolt, yet instead of running away from forever he chose to run toward it. Toward Tyler and love. “I’m not afraid I don’t love you; that’s the easy part. But I’ve spent my entire life never thinking of anyone except myself and I’m afraid of not loving you enough. The way you ought to be.” He gave Ty a hesitant smile. “The way you deserve.”

  Sometime during his speech Ty had moved close. Close enou
gh to touch and hold and feel. “I don’t feel cheated. I’ve felt loved.”

  Hope flared in his chest and he suddenly found it easier to breathe. “I’ve always put myself first. Then you and Lillie came and it wasn’t only about me anymore. And instead of losing myself, I gained everything in return.”

  Gazing back at him with his beautiful soft eyes, Ty stretched out a hand to stroke his cheek. “I think it’s called knowing your priorities. And finally growing up.”

  Only Ty and his friends would speak to him like that and call him out, forcing him to see what he tried to hide from. No one else bothered. Or cared.

  “Smart and good-looking.” Marcus placed his hand over Tyler’s. “No wonder I grabbed you.”

  “So we’re good now?” Tyler took his hand, rubbing his thumb in slow circles. “No more doubts, right? I know this is where I want to be. And you’re who I want to be with. Forever.”

  The Christmas tree lights added a special glow to the moment. Staring down at Tyler’s hand in his, Marcus finally understood what his friends meant when they said falling in love completed them.

  “Hold on a sec. I have something for you.”

  The bags from his afternoon shopping expedition lay in a pile on the floor next to the sofa and he rummaged through them until he found the tiny box.

  “I want you to have this until we can make it official.”

  He opened the box and watched Tyler’s face light up with surprise.

  “Where did you find this?” Tyler picked up the golden ring.

  “When I went with Lillie to buy dresses this afternoon.”

  Tyler collapsed against him, shaking with laughter. “Oh God, Marcus. The whole evening you wondered if you were a changed man, yet you spent an entire afternoon with a five-year-old girl, dress shopping?”